9-0

The Undertaker vs. Triple H -- WrestleMania X-7, April 1, 2001

　

The intervening two years were quite the interesting time for the Dead Man. For one thing, he really wasn't the Dead Man anymore. After a long injury-enduced hiatus spanning from September of 1999 through May of 2000 (missing the infamous WrestleMania 2000), the Undertaker returned with an entirely different gimmick than he had before -- out was the supernatural Lord of Darkness, in was the American Bad Ass, a bandana-wearing, sunglasses-sporting brawler who rode a Harley to the ring. It freshened up the Taker's persona considerably, to be sure, and was a quick and easy way to wash the bad taste the Ministry of Darkness era out of our mouths.

Speaking of complete re-inventions, his opponent on this night had seen a slew of them in a very short amount of time during his WWF run, as well. Back in mid-1995, this guy named "Hunter Hearst Helmsley" first showed up on TV, an "American blueblood" and a decent worker who had absolutely no ability to draw crowd interest as a heel. For two years they consistently pushed him to little effect until he joined up with his pal Shawn Michaels in the initial run of D-Generation X. Then, when they decided to turn the now-dubbed "Triple H" heel again, the crowd interest died out once more. So they A.) Gave him a monster push, B.) Put the WWF Title on him, C.) Had him beat everyone in creation, D.) Marry the boss's daughter, E.) End Mick Foley's career and F.) Become the first heel in history to win the WrestleMania main event. And what do you know, he got over.

This is not to disparage HHH's work in the ring -- he's turned in enough classic matches by now that even the most strident of naysayers (like me) have to admit the guy has a lot of talent between the ropes. This is to point out how for all WWE's bluster about how guys aren't "stepping up" and "need to connect to the crowd," there's a prime example in the front office about how if you focus EVERYTHING on getting one guy over, you'll get him over. There's a hilarious moment in the new CM Punk DVD set where HHH, discussing Punk's first world title run, talks about how he firmly believes you don't put a title on a guy to "make" him, you "make" the guy and put the title on him. I almost shouted at the screen, "Oh, like YOU had earned it back in '99, Paul?"

But I digress. The story behind this match is actually fairly simple: HHH was giving an egotistical promo about how he's beaten everyone and has no challenges left, and the Taker emerged to say, uh, you've never beaten me, so there. So, a few brawls and backstage attacks later, here we are. Motörhead is present to play HHH's music for him, which turns out to be a hilarious choice, as it's clear that Lemmy has little idea what the lyrics and rhythm are for the song, so he ends up repeating "Time to play the game" over and over at seemingly random intervals. Speaking of music, Taker's theme at the time, "Rollin'" by Limp Bizkit, gets overdubbed on this release, as well.

We start right away with brawling on the floor, and Taker sends HHH into the replacement Spanish announce table, which had already been destroyed earlier in the night. A blow sends HHH onto the new table, which collapses, as well. Yeah, that's what happens when you try to start a union, man. Tell your table friends. Jim Ross casually mentions that the Taker is 8-0 at Mania, underscoring how the streak is more a minor factor in his Mania matches at this point, rather than the main focus.

Taker sends HHH into the ring and the bell officially rings to start the match. HHH punches and kicks to try and get on offense, but the Taker fires back. Thanks to World Wildlife Fund lawsuitery, we're solidly in the "these turnbuckles, crew shirts and ring aprons are brought to you by BLUR" era of WWF history. Supposedly, they're taking care of these legal problems and older footage from this era will no longer have to be blurred out. And thank GOD for that.

A high knee by HHH puts Taker down...for about a second. Taker tosses HHH to the corner and pounds away, then whips him for an insanely high backdrop. Big clothesline in the corner, then a cross-corner whip and hitting it again, then a casual powerslam by the Dead Man. Taker misses a big elbow, however. Ross mentions how the Taker grew up in Houston, which reminds me of a funny moment: At one of the Mania press conferences, Taker mentioned that this was his hometown, then added wryly, "Bet you didn't know Death Valley was in Houston."

Back up, HHH nails some shots, but a whip goes awry as Taker hits the flying clothesline in response. Arm wringer leads to the now-dubbed "Old School" rope walk, but HHH counters it with an arm drag off the top. Both guys up, and HHH ducks a Taker punch to hit a neckbreaker for two. Piston punches to Taker's face, then an elbow from the apron as he leans on the ropes. More punishment on the apron by HHH, then back in for another neckbreaker for a trio of two counts. HHH gets in the ref's face, and the ref proudly points to the BLUR on his chest to say "RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!"

Taker starts to come back with rapid punches to the gut, but a whip gives HHH the opening for his facebuster. Trips heads out to the timekeeper, who for no apparent reason has a sledgehammer next to him. Maybe the ring bell was being stubborn and he was trying to teach it manners? HHH, per usual, stares at the sledge in a wildly uncomfortable fashion. Teacher. Mother. Secret lover.

Back in and HHH tosses the ref aside and tries to nail a kneeling Taker with the sledge, but the ref grabs it from him just in time. Taker sneaks up from behind but HHH ducks and sets up for the Pedigree, but Taker scoops the legs and catapults HHH...right into the ref. Set your clocks, as Mike Chioda is about to enter an impressive time in the "how long can a ref be knocked senseless?" Olympic trials.

Taker hits a HUGE chokeslam on HHH (Trips ALWAYS gets height on that), but Chioda, still wonky, only gets two. Taker, ever the mature and responsible individual, kicks and elbows Chioda. Hey, YOU'RE the one who whipped HHH into him, dude. That's our Taker, always blaming folks for his own problems. I'm beginning to think you never really WANTED the Urn back at Mania XI. And did you EVER apologize to Boss Man for trying to hang him and so forth? I think you need a time out to reflect, young man.

Anyway, Taker back on the assault and sends HHH over the top to the floor. Taker follows him out and a-brawling we do go. HHH sends Taker to the steps and takes a running start...and Taker backdrops him into the crowd. Um, ouch. So they brawl into the crowd heading back all the way to where the cameras and equipment are set up for a brawl amongst the mixing boards. They ascend the scaffolding set up where HHH nails Taker with a chair in the gut and back, then a shot to the head. HHH relentlessly pounds on Taker with the chair for nearly a minute, then lines up one big shot...but Taker catches HHH around the throat and chokeslams him OFF the scaffolding, which is one hell of a visual. You can see fans chanting "Holy Shit," which of course gets overdubbed on this TV-14 release.

The impact of HHH's fall is lessened slightly when the cameras catch up with him, and it's apparent from the angle that he fell only a couple feet. Then a replay makes it apparent he landed on a crash pad, but hey, I'm absolutely all for protecting the guys. Just woulda played better if we hadn't seen where he had fallen. Some EMTs start surrounding HHH (but not the still-unconcious ref in the ring, because seriously, fuck refs), and Taker cuts them off by dropping an elbow off the scaffolding onto Trips below. Another cool visual ruined by the poor choice of camera angles.

The EMTs again try to gather HHH, but Taker shoves them away and starts pounding away on Trips. Back through the crowd we continue to brawl, and someone seriously has a BILLY JACK HAYNES sign, which I gotta admit makes me smile. Not because I'm a fan of a minor worker who had a barely noteworthy WWF run, but because some fan actually decided it was worth it to make and bring a sign devoted to him in 2001. Bless you, irony-devoted fan, bless you.

FINALLY we get back to the ringside area as Chioda is STILL down, seven and a half minutes after initial contact. You're close to the record, Mike, don't give up! Back into the ring we go, and Taker casually walks over and picks up the sledge, which HHH had used to bust him open in the build-up to the match. HHH begs off as Taker stalks him, but he's able to cut him off with that classic amateur counter to the sledgehammer attack, the Greco-Roman Kick to the Testicles. Frank Gotch would be proud.

HHH tries a charge with the sledge himself, but Taker stops him with a big boot. We're now at TEN minutes since Chioda went down. Keep at it, Mike, you're setting new standards in referee wimpiness! We're all behind you! Slugfest between HHH and Taker, which would be accompanied by the ironic "Yay!" and "Boo!" chants if it happened at a modern Mania. Trips finally wins and tries a whip, but it's reversed. HHH ducks a shot and sets up for...a Tombstone? Uh, yeah, dude, I think we all know how this is going. Sure enough, Taker reverses it into a Tombstone of his own. Cover, but Chioda will NOT be denied his place in unconciousness history, so no count.

Taker, who personally knocked out Chioda, shakes him in an effort to wake him up. And as he does, you can see the turmoil on his face. Taker realizes he's hoisted on his own petard. I caused this, Taker thinks. The crushing weight of all he has done wrong in his life comes down on him, as he reflects on all his problems and how no one bears that burden but himself. That's it, Brother Mark, let it out. Take responsibility for your own actions. You alone can change things for the better. The world is taught a valuable lesson about personal responsibility and learning to take charge of your own circumstances. Then Taker says, to hell with this, time for the Last Ride.

sets HHH up for the powerbomb, but Trips covertly picks up the sledgehammer from the mat as Taker starts to execute the move, then BLASTS Taker in the face with it as he's hoisted up. HHH covers, Chioda finally decides to end his record effort at a heroic time of 11 minutes and 24 seconds (CONGRATULATIONS!), and counts...two. The crowd goes nuts. Taker is bleeding like hell from the shot as HHH gets back on the attack, pounding on Taker in the corner. He climbs the ropes for better leverage and takes a moment to jaw at the crowd...uh, yeah, bad move. Taker grabs him and hits the Last Ride out of the corner, 1, 2, 3. We overdub "Rollin'" after the match, too, just to make it more annoying. One HELL of a brawl, and pretty easily the best match so far of the Taker's streak. And for the most part, it only gets better from here.